You Spin Me Right Round, Baby Right Round...

Today has been one of those days where it's 3 in the afternoon and I still haven't even brushed my teeth.  From the moment their eyes opened, the kids have had me running in circles.  As I write, one child is upstairs crying, another has a certain show about a talking sponge blairing in the other room, and two babies are tearing thru the shoe cabinet like there is burried treasure in there.  Oh wait, it's now tug-o-war over a pair of mom's flats.  FUN!

As I lay in bed this morning, all kids eventually wound up joining me - overflowing our queen sized bed like a party bus.  I quickly jumped out of bed like a ninja when one started screaming because another bit them, then it turned into WWF and one of the boys jumped on the other's head punching his brother in the "nerds".  I so just needed 20 more minutes but no.  Sleep time over...lets just go downstairs...

As I made breakfast the kids were arguing heavily over who gets to watch what.  BOTH boys were yelling and hitting each other.  (Not like we don't have four different places in our house to watch tv.)  We finally settled on a movie and all was good.  OK, not really - we settled on 2 movies and mom going crazy because they tore the house up wrestling over the remote.  Grrr.

As I turned into Mommy Dearest shouting "NO TEARING UP THE HOUSE" I reminded myself of the coat hanger scene from the movie - So, I closed my eyes, announced that they had to the count of 3 to re-straighten the house, and then I was going to start going real crazy.  And they DIDN'T want to see THAT mommy.  

I counted to three, opened my eyes, and heard a crash....the girls took a large box with every crayon we own and scattered it across the kitchen.  Yay.  It'll have to wait, I'm on a mission to make breakfast and my nerves are already getting fried.

I continued making breakfast and I notice the girls are rubbing stuff on their faces.  Pastel crayons.  Yeah, they are using them as "lipstick" and rubbing it all over their faces.  Eggs are burning - the girls will have to wait a second.  I finish making breakfast and finally all is quiet, kids are eating, and no sooner than I get a bite in my mouth "can I have some milk?"  Crap, I forgot.  Four chocolate milks coming up.  Finally, a bite.  "Can I have a napkin?"  Crud, I'll get it.   "Um, Chloe just dumped her plate on the floor"  Of course she did...

I ate cold eggs and an even colder waffle.  I look up and Chloe has syrup in her hair, yogurt all over her face, and what looks like a chocolate milk mud-puddle on her tray and soaking her jammies.  It's always Chlo.  *sigh* Time to clean up...

I cleaned up breakfast, did the dishes, picked up the crayons, folded laundry, vacuumed, and decided to sweep the floors.  I discovered that my two little make-up artists not only painted their faces with the pastels but also used the kitchen floor as a canvas too.  Oh, and wait, is that their artwork on the wall?  Yep.  I think I see anti-anxiety meds in my future!  

I got the floors done and just when I thought I could rest for a second I was laughed at by the gods once again. I found that the massive mound of laundry I had just folded was once again a mound.  The girls tore it up like a big pile of leaves.  I think I smell the smoke coming out of my ears.

I folded the laundry back up, put it in baskets this time, and went to the computer to check email for just a second.  I suddenly hear the girls making this weird blowing sound.  Then I smell something super perfumy and realize "crap, baby wipes!" and sure enough, the girls had taken EVERY baby wipe out of the tubs, scattered them all over the living room and was apparently practicing "nose blowing".  Yeah, that the weird blowing sound I heard.  They grabbed every one they could get their grubby little hands on and wiped and blew their nose in each one.  Ugh.  And I was JUST thinking how we need to go buy more.  Now we REALLY do.  Aargh!

I am running in every which direction as disasters seem to happen every 10 minutes here.  And if my head wasn't spinning enough, the kids invited the neighbor kids over at lunch time.  They don't eat lunch at home - not sure why - but they will eat lunch here.  As I had everyone eating, the little boy gave Clara her blanky while she was eating a toddler version of spaghetti-o's.  Yeah, bright idea.  Not only did she shove it in her bowl of tomatoey goodness, she managed to dump the bowl right onto the blanket.  I grabbed it and set the blanket aside...in which Kellen felt he needed a blanky, grabbed it, and went to snuggle on the couch with it.  "What's this mess mom?"  oh, only my sanity son.  Only my sanity...

It's now 3 o'clock, the neighbor kids have gone, leaving my oldest to sit in his room and cry. Another kid came to take them away - to play video games that he's not allowed to play.  I just caught Kellen sneaking in the pantry eating cookies, fruit snacks, chips and juice without asking.  Clara is a freaking wreck because her blanky is in the washer.   Chloe, well, she just made a deposit in the diaper bank and is refusing to let me change her.   And me, I said the Serenity Prayer a few times and felt I need to write it all out.  Not sure it's working!

All I want for myself today?  A shower.  I don't even care if I get a hot meal today, I just want a shower.  Lucky for me, tonight is bath night around here.  I usually get soaked whether I want to or not...and bath night itself is a WHOLE other story...

Today Totally Blows

The thing about twins is that they usually do everything about the same time...teething, crawling, walking, talking, etc.  However, the downside is that they also tend to do not-so-fantastic things at the same time too. Like play in the toilet at the same time, destroy the house at the same time, (last night they peed on the carpet after bath at the same time) and they often get sick at the same time.  I can only remember one time that Chloe got super sick and Clara did not.  It was a freak of nature but I was thankful.  Somehow, the boys do not tend to share each other's ailments.  Then again, they aren't kissing one another or sharing sippy cups on a regular basis either. 

Yesterday while the girls were beating on each other (they don't exactly understand the "twin code" of loving one another yet) I thought I'd teach them to say "sorry" and give each other kisses. They thought it was so much fun that they wouldn't stop...giggling and kissing for probably what was 20 or so baby kisses.  HOW SWEET!  Yeah, it's all sweet until the next day when one of them is barfing up the equivalent of a day's worth of food.  YICK. 

So, last night I hear sweet Clare-Bear crying in her crib just after midnight.  I thought "hmmm...maybe she'll cry it out..."  I poked my head in her room when the crying didn't stop and smelled something putrid.  I try to turn the lamp on in their room so I don't wake up Chloe but alas, it pops and the bulb burnt out.  Sorry Chlo - apparently it's party time for you too.... 

I turned the light on, Clara is crying uncontrollably and I see a huge pile on her sheets.  I take one look at her and realize she's vomited all over herself and her hair  has a chunky, crusty, curly sheen to it.  GROSS.  I ran to John and woke him up because, hey - I'm NOT doing this alone all night and then again all day!  Luckily, he offered to change bedding and throw it all in the wash.  WHEW. Bath number 2 for Clara was in the works. 

I got Clara in the bath, at 1 am, and she was NOT thrilled.  She was trying to sleep thru a bout of hair washing but the vigorous scrubbing failed to let her do that.  I finally get her cleaned, new jammies, and hair dried and she looks at me with a smile and proceeds to go on to round 2 of this fantastic voyage.  

I get her changed again and realize I still smell that horrid smell.  I look down and yep, she got my shirt, the inside of my bra, AND The floor too.  YAY.  And nothing less than paint thinner can remove that smell!  I'm ready to put a swimsuit on her and make her sleep in the tub at this point!  However, I found her terry-cloth swimsuit cover, changed my clothes, scrubbed the floor, and decided to take this party downstairs - where there are bowls, clean laundry, and a washing machine handy.  Not before round 3 started though...luckily we had the kitchen sink and kept it from getting too messy.   We then  hunkered down on the couch, Sham-Wow between us and bucket nearby.  Night-Night Sweet Girl....

IT WAS THE MOST MISERABLE NIGHT EVER.  

As we got comfy, I began to think - "wait, what if she throws up on the couch?  That stink will NEVER come out!"  I proceeded to try sleeping upright with baby girl on my chest.  Again, a Sham-Wow between us and bowl within reach.  Every 15 minutes she started crying and wiggling in pain.  I grabbed the bowl and shoved it in her face but never actually needed.  After about an hour of this (it is now 2:30 am) she finally falls asleep for an hour but then starts crying again.  I shoot up like a ninja looking for the bowl in the dark.  False alarm. Whew.  She did this every hour until 5 am.  We are both tired to say the least and I decide that maybe it's all-clear and we can both part to our own beds.  Knowing I have to be up at 7:30 to start the day, I say a short prayer for good, uneventful sleep...Amen. 

Suddenly, I'm awaken by Kellen telling me there's something wrong with my phone.  Realizing - in my daze - that I use my phone as my alarm clock, I look at the time and holler for everyone to get up - WE ARE 20 MINUTES BEHIND!!  I get the boys breakfast, do their hair while they are eating - which they are finding annoying - and try and figure out what Clara can eat on a yucky tummy.  They are still sleeping and I'm thinking "ok, we are making good time, it's only 9 o'clock"  WAIT!!  NINE??  CRAP!!  HOLDEN!!  We are an HOUR behind!  I grabbed both girls out of bed, yell at the boys to get their stuff together because it's also Kellen's last day of pre-school, and plop the twins in their high chairs.  As I give them both a bowl of plain Cheerios I am trying to figure out what I'm going to write in the note to Holden's school about him being late "Sorry he's late, we had Barf Fest 2011 at our house...brother took off with my phone...thought we were only 20 minutes late but not...yadda, yadda, yadda...."   I wrote some long sob story, decided I'm putting WAY too much into it and feel I should just call the school to explain it verbally instead.  Realizing that I don't sound any better telling them over the phone, the lady informs me that today is LATE START DAY and that school doesn't start for another 45 minutes.  HA!  OF COURSE IT IS!  I can't find Holden to tell him there is no hurry and I find the poor kid on the front porch, all ready, backpack on, ready to go and sulking because he thinks he's going to have to miss his first recess to catch up on the morning work.  SORRY KIDDO!!   But hey, good news!  I was yelling and screaming for nothing!  You have another 30 minutes!  HA!

So luckily I get to take my time getting the rest of the little ones ready for school.  However, Kellen has decided that today is Make Mommy Crazy Day and is all over the house, making the girls mad, both of them are crying, neither of them wanting to eat, he isn't getting his shoes, and is making a mess with the laundry that I just folded. (OK, I folded it two days ago, don't judge)  I can't find my keys, I remember that I need to go to WalMart and need my grocery bags - that I can't find, and where the heck did I put my wallet?!  Can anything else go wrong?  Oy.

I put the babies in the van, head down the street and realize we are getting later and later so I drop Holden off at his bus stop - but not before I hear that horrible sound coming from the back seat....Chloe is now throwing up last nights applesauce all over herself, her car seat, straps, and her blanky.  YEP, more can ALWAYS go wrong.  Still needing to get Kellen off to school, I called and explained to them he's going to be late, the mom that answers offers to just take him home with her after school - THANK YOU!!  But we whipped back around to the house to change one baby and hose off an outfit in the front yard.  FUN.  No, not really.  This is the opposite of fun. 

I got Kellen to school,  an hour late at this point, and decide that I need coffee - STAT.  I head up to Starbucks, order a triple and a breakfast sandwich and think I'm going to head to Walmart just real quick to get some tummy medicine.  RIGHT!!  No sooner than we approach Wally World I hear that horrible gagging sound in the back seat.  Chloe again.  She's heaving and crying...my poor baby.  I decide that WalMart is not in our future today and head home.  As we pull into the drive way she gets out everything she had been working on and the smell is filling up the van.  Lord HELP ME.  I can't take much more! 

I got Clara out of the van, put her in the house and prepare myself for another cleansing on sweet Chlo.  As I open the van on her side and assess the situation she looks up at me with a smile and says proudly - "I did it!"  I can't help but smile back at my sweet girl and say "yes sweetie, you sure did, didn't you?"  And as I think, ok, I can get thru this day with these two sweet girls, I look over and the damn dog is eating my breakfast - the ENITRE thing.  Aargh!  Guess it's better than what she could be eating...ugh.  By now, it's only 11 o'clock, I'm completely fried, and ready for this day to end.  However, dinner will be taken care of as I've decided we will be having teriyaki wiener dog with a side of rice tonight...

Chaos - party of 6

It's been over 5 months since my last blog.  Wow.  So long I don't even know where to start!
Things have been crazy, overwhelming since back-to-school, and I'm just plain tired these days.  The girls are now 15 months and walking, Kellen is in pre-school 3 days a week (and did I mention co-op?), and Holden - well, what can I say?  He's almost 7 and though he's a GREAT big-brother, I feel like I'm raising a teenager these days.

In the past few months we actually got out and had a "mini" family vacation, ventured out to Costco as a family, and have gone out to eat as a family maybe twice (that might even be pushing it).  I never realized how hard it would be to venture out as a family of six.  I am a romanticizer about how things will go and for some reason, things have never stayed according to plan.  Let me explain...

The day we went to Costco - it was actually John's idea - that we go as a family.  We had it all planned out: park...shop...pay...eat...leave.  Done!  The kids were going to have fun trying all the samples which would save us on dinner, we'd take them into the big refrigerator and they'd think it's the neatest thing ever, and then we'd cheerfully get our items to the check-out line and then feed our happy family making this the best outing ever.  WRONG.  I can't even stress how WRONG we were.  

The moment we flashed our secret-society badge to the almighty "Bulk Heaven" gate-keeper - all hell broke loose.  

The girls had never sat side-by-side before in a cart.  The moment they were placed in the cart, they started clawing at each other and Chloe kept stealing Clara's blanket.  She wasn't having it so she started screaming.  LOUDLY.  Kellen realized that we were passing the food area without stopping and DEMANDED that we eat.  We tried to explain that we were going to do that after we shopped but trying to reason with a 3 year old is like trying to reason with an angry deaf monkey.  IT DOESN'T WORK.  He won.  We went to go eat.  Kids-1, Parents-0.

We got the food and I got the girls a piece of pizza while I had a chicken bake.  John and Kellen had pizza, Holden got a hotdog and of course there was NO place for all of us to sit.  I happened to find a tiny table and attempted to feed the girls while they were sitting in the cart.  They both decided that pizza was not going to cut it and that mom's food must be better.  They both screamed and threw their chunks of cheesy goodness straight to the floor and grabbed at my food.  FUN.  Every person passing by got a good chuckle and I think I heard "wow, you have your hands full" about a dozen times.  THANK YOU - haven't heard that one before.

So, with the pizza on the floor, the only thing to feed the girls was my dinner.  I gave Clara a bite first.  Chloe got ticked.  TICKED.  She started screaming until I gave her a bite.  Then it was Clara's turn to scream because her sister was being fed.  This little trade-off of screaming lasted the ENTIRE meal.  They were like two angry baby birds fighting for a bite.  I tried giving them each a piece to feed themselves.  Yeah, no.  That was not in their game-plan.  Neither was drinking from a sippy cup...mom's water was much better.  Oy.  Score: Kids-2, Parents-0

As we finished up Holden dropped his hotdog, Kellen spilled his drink, mom got a few cold bites, and John lost his patience.  Score: Kids-3, Parents-0.

"Does ANYONE have to go potty before we start shopping???"  I got 3 "no's" and off we went. 

The girls were not handling sitting side-by-side too well and Kellen's "shoes were getting tired" so we got another cart.  Holden was bouncing between the two carts and breaking my back in the process.

Halfway down the length of the store "I have to go pee and it's coming out right now!"  Of course.  John snatches him out of the cart, ran the length of the store with toddler in hand and I'm now pushing two carts, baby in each, both screaming because they want to be held now, and a 6.5 year old jumping off some boxes and into a path of people.  I was about to lose my mind.  Score: Kids-4, Parents-0.

We finally make it to the glorious land of free samples.  I figure that the tasty little treats would keep the kids quiet.  On the contrary...Holden wanted more, Kellen wanted items they WEREN'T sampling or didn't like anything, and we couldn't get the girls a sample fast enough.  It was chaos.  We finally pass a lady with chocolate covered cookies.  I'm thinking this is GREAT.  All the kids will love it and they will be quiet while enjoying their cookie.  Yeah, that happened until I realized that Chloe just threw up her cookie and had chocolaty vomit all over her sweater and face.  I went to grab the wipes and yeah...left the diaper bag in the car.  CRAP!  Score: forget the freaking score.  I've lost track...and my mind at this point.

We get Chloe as cleaned up as we can with cocktail napkins and one Sani-Wipe I found in the bottom of my purse and decide it's time to head home.  Wait...what's that smell?  NO NO NO!!  Clara had pooped.  It was bad.  Explosive.  Apparently the chicken bake and massive amounts of samples were not settling with her Costco-rookie tummy.  John looks at me and says "I'll pay, you take this circus act to the car - PLEASE."  I respond with "You promise you will come out?" He promised and I head to the car...with 4 cranky kids that wanted to stay with daddy.  All the while, I'm stopped a dozen times to hear "Twins?  oh you must have your hands FULL!"  and "Look!  Look!  TWINS!"  like we are some zoo exhibit.  But that's a whole other blog...

So, we get to the car, Chloe has now joined the poopy pants club and Kellen has to pee AGAIN.  I want to cry as it feels like it's been a year since John and I parted ways at the check-out line.  I decided to change a few butts while waiting and can't seem to find the diaper bag.  Are you kidding me?  How could I - a veteran mom - leave the diaper bag AT HOME?!?!  I think I might have shed a tear at this point.  John comes out and asks what's wrong and as I tell him, I'm getting the look from him like I've got an arm coming out of my forehead.  I yell at him to stop looking at me like that and Kellen reminds us LOUDLY that he has to pee AGAIN.  John is ready to lose it at this point and says under his breath "what the **** was I thinking?"  Join the club baby, now run him to the bathroom before he's riding home naked!

We finally all get buckled in, the girls sitting on their poopy prizes, Kellen with freshly emptied bladder, and are all just exhausted and thankful to be heading home.  John looks at me and says "Let's NEVER do that again.  EVER."  I laugh and say "It's over, but what did we expect?  Singing workers dancing in the isles?" (maybe) 

That literally was our last and only shopping trip to Costco as a family.  Since then we've gone to the mall once all together and one outing to a fast food joint for lunch.  We cleared out the place in 10 minutes.  But on the bright side, we had the place to ourselves.  I've learned my lesson, I think.  I try not to romanticize about how our family outings will go.  I try to have NO expectations - that way if things aren't too chaotic, then it's one thing to rejoice about.  However, I'm still waiting for the day when I'm pleasantly surprised with "Anderson Family of 6?  We were expecting you!" and a whole song and dance breaks out as the workers jump around like the staff on Annie.  But so far, the only dancing has come from Holden.  And that's a WHOLE other story...

Bend over, bend over, send Mommy right over...

As my 3 year old was sitting on the ol' Think Tank yesterday, I patiently waited for those 3 little words to be uttered..."Wipe my BUTT!"

"Mommy's coming, Honey!!  Don't do it yourself!!!!"

So, he sat there waiting for me and as I had the kid bent over touching his toes, he asks me - "Mommy, why do we do this?" 

"Do what?"

"Wipe our butts?"

Good question Love.  But how do you answer that?  lol  Life is NEVER dull with this kid in my life, that's for sure!  I thought for a second (thinking I'd rather answer where babies come from) and said "Well Honey, we do it so that we don't make our undies messy, and get stinky or itchy back there."  And of course, he says "Itchy?"  I dunno!!  I've just heard Daddy joke about it with Holden once when his bum was itchy!  So I tell him that if he doesn't want itchy, stinky buns, he better let mommy do this job for now until he can do a thorough one himself.  It must have scared him because he agreed. 

So, today at the mall I had to use the bathroom very badly.  I packed the 3 kids into the handicap stall - usually Holden is with me and keeping Kellen in line - however, he's back in school full time.  Kellen asks the one question that I think EVERY parent hears when going to the restroom with a toddler - "Are you poopin' Momma??" 

"No Honey, but thank you for asking"  As I hear giggles from the older lady in the stall next to mine.

"Ok" looking disappointed but I realized that he had a wad of TP in his hands.  

"Why?  What's wrong?" 

"I was going to wipe your butt so it doesn't get itchy!"

Oy...live and learn, I guess.  Now I know why my parents always answered with "Because I said so" and ALWAYS left it at that.  *sigh*

Isn't it funny how as a new parent we do EVERYTHING possible for our children? I didn't dare leave my baby outside of working - no matter how enticing my friends made a night out sound.  It was like I feared he'd forget me or worse, hate me for leaving him for more than the average work day.  He had all new clothes, he had the best diapers, both of us went to all the doctor's appointments, and we followed all the rules to a T.  Not to mention the pictures GALORE we took, the energy we had, and the videos we took of all the "firsts".  Oh, and all the bragging we did about how smart and advanced our little genius was. Other people's kids seemed like special needs compaired to ours!!  We were going to have a phenom on our hands!  We felt on top of the world and knew deep down that our kid was the smartest and the best.  People should follow our example!  HA!

Baby number 2 came and suddenly - there are less pictures, we finally ventured out to dinner  - ALONE, and we start saving the "good clothes" from big brother for little brother to wear.  We video taped his birth but I think that's as much as we've really gotten of him.  Plus, I don't know about you, but we also started compairing the kids to one another - "Holden was already doing *** at this age, I hope there's nothing wrong with him!"  We worried that he was developmentally delayed or had ADD because he was NOTHING like big brother.  He sat up at 6 months and didn't walk until he was one - oh no!!  Soon we were no longer bragging about our "advanced" child and asking our friends for advice about our "special" child.  "Does your kid do that?  I wonder if ours is ok?"  Eventually he'd reach his milestones and we would get over it and find something else to worry about.

And then baby number three (and four, in our case) come along.  Suddenly we are taking whatever diapers friends and family give us, taking the diapers and formula from the hospital - thinking we were being sneaky and hiding it in the diaper bag even though the nurses told us to take it, shopping consignment shops, begging the grandparents to watch the kids so we can get a moment just to breathe, and when we think something might not be right with them, just google it and get on with it.

We have no pictures of the girls, really.  We video taped Holden's homecoming from Korea, took a gazillion pictures of him from the moment they placed him in our arms and at 12 months to have pictures taken at the mall.  Then, when Kellen was born they had pictures taken together.  We then did pictures again when Kellen was 15 months old.  Now, the girls are 10 months old and we've never even taken them to a photo studio.  Their birth?  John taped it on his phone because the camcorder was dead.  He tried to put it on the computer so we could have a good copy of it and it's not even visible.   All the pictures we have of them are from our cell phones or pictures people have tagged for us on various websites.  We don't have a single portrait of the girls in the house.  I hate to admit this, but we made picture frames at our MOPS group one day - before I had the girls - and it is STILL sitting on my counter in my kitchen waiting for a picture to put in it.  I've never developed ANY!!  I kept waiting until they were past that "ugly baby" stage where they are red, poofy, and swollen.  Once they were out of that stage, we waited until we had money.  Then, once we had the money, we waited until we had the time.  However, if we wait until then, it may be their wedding photos that finally make it into that frame...